


It Still Burns

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid - Fandom
Genre: ALS, F/M, Reader-Insert, losing a parent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 16:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11257002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	It Still Burns

It had been at least a week and a half since Spencer had been able to see you, so he was very much looking forward to having the next few days off. He had all sorts of little dates planned, but when you opened the door, he could tell that something was wrong.

There was a smile on your face, your rosy cheeks flushed with heat as you pulled him in for a kiss, but behind the mask he could tell something was wrong. Maybe she was just having an off day. Both of them had them. Just being there for each other was enough. Since they’d started dating, Spencer had started feeling better about his own down days, knowing he wasn’t alone in his thoughts. “You ready to go?” he asked, lifting up the bag he’d packed with a blanket, sandwiches and iced tea. He’d planned a picnic first. 

As a kid, his mother would take him to the park a lot. They’d eat there and she’d read to him, and he’d always loved it. When he told you about that, you’d insisted on a date like that and he was more than happy to oblige. 

The sun was shining. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky and the weather was perfect - warm enough that you didn’t need a jacket of any kind, but with a breeze that made the day feel light and carefree. Every time Spencer looked over, you’d flash him a smile, but the moment he looked away the smile would drop and he didn’t know why.

After fixing up the blanket in the park, he couldn’t take it anymore. “Y/N, are you okay?” he asked. “You know I can see when something is wrong.”

“It’s nothing,” you said, shaking your head and giving him a strained smile. When you reached your hand out for his, you could tell he wanted to keep asking. He was right. You weren’t okay, but it was so hard to talk about that shutting down used to be your only option.

A few tears stung sharply at your eyes and you did your best to banish them before Spencer noticed, but it was too late. His mouth dropped open, wondering where your mind was at on such a beautiful day. Something was very wrong. “It’s just…today,” you trailed off.

“What’s wrong with today?” he asked, pulling you back into his chest. “It’s gorgeous out and we both finally have a day off. What’s the matter?”

Spencer had already met your mother. She’s been a single mom since you were little. But unlike Spencer, whose father walked out on him, yours had died. ALS had taken him too soon, when you were just 11 years old. “I never mentioned my dad,” you started, your eyes burning with tears as you spoke. “He died when I was 11. Today’s the day…he died.” You choked out the last two words. It had been more than a decade and a half since he’d passed. You always thought about him, but for the most part you went about your life as normal, except for the day he died and the surrounding week or two. 

“I…I never knew…Y/N, I’m so sorry. Do you want to go home?” His heart broke for you. He didn’t have a good relationship with his dad, but if that had been his mother, he probably would’ve felt the same way too. 

You shook your head and curled into him. “No. If I go home, I’ll just sit in my own head. I just…I miss him,” you breathed. A staggered breath rolled its way up your body. “It still feels so raw even though it was so long ago.”

“I don’t doubt it,” he whispered. “Why don’t you tell me about one of your favorite memories with him? It’s better than thinking about the sad stuff.”

He was right. Of course he was. It was hard, but Spencer was your boyfriend and he deserved to know about one of the most important people in your life. As you ate the lunch he packed, you regaled him with stories of Halloween, one in particular where you’d dressed up as a princess, and he a king, of playing piano and having him sit by your side, his hands over yours as they gently tapped the keys, of him coming to your dance recitals and proudly talking about ballet to his macho friends without a hint of embarrassment (because as he said, who gives a fuck?), and of him being the person you’d always go to. A lot of girls went to their mothers, but you hadn’t. Your dad was your everything, so watching his battle with ALS come to its final conclusion had nearly killed you as well. “I just thought that it would get easier over the years, you know?” you asked, wiping the tears from your eyes. “But it still hurts so much.”

Spencer leaned over, kissing each of your eyelids and wiping the tears away with the pad of his thumb. “I’m so sorry. I’m sure he’s still around in some way.”

“You think so? You? A man of science?” you chuckled.

“Remember when I told you that I died? When I was kidnapped?” You nodded, wincing as you recalled the horrific ordeal he’d gone through. “Well, I saw a light. Now most people that are in the hospital can attribute that bright light to the lights of the emergency room, but I was in a dark shed. I also felt no pain. And weirdly enough, I felt happy, so although I’m not religious, I experienced some things I couldn’t explain.”

You looked up at the sky, hoping that your dad could see you. You hoped he’d be proud. “I’d like to think he’s still here somehow.”

For a few moments, he just rubbed your back as you thanked him for allowing you to cry. “Why don’t we go home,” he said, standing up and packing your things. 

“We don’t have to,” you replied. “You said you had things planned.”

He pulled you in for a kiss as he smiled. “I did. And I do. But I’m improvising.”

“My boyfriend? The man who always has a plan? Improvising? I’m finding out new things about you every day.”

After he ran his hands up the sides of your neck and gathered your face to his, he told you that he’d clean everything up and meet you in the car in a few minutes. You thanked him, the emotional toll of talking about your dad making your muscles feel heavy.

“Okay,” he said, picking you up and carrying you bridal style into the apartment. “I have new plans now. Go put on pajamas.” You did as he asked, coming out in the baggiest pair of pajamas imaginable. “We are going to watch a funny movie, cuddle in a blanket and eat ice cream, and then later we can take a bubble bath.”

“Oh that sounds nice,” you breathed, slipping into his lap and pulling the blanket around you both. “And thank you for today. For understanding.”

He kissed the side of your neck and hugged you tightly, his arms wrapping around you from behind. “It’s no problem. I can’t imagine going through something like that, especially at that age. But you’re not alone.”


End file.
